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I have a You Tube account... :)

I do.

Pretty excited about it.

Been saying I was gonna make one for over 2 years...

It's finally happened...

There's even videos posted.

I know right??

Awesome sauce.


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Restoring

So at about 1 a.m. this mornin, cuz i could NOT sleep last night. I figured I'd go ahead a check out my Psalm for the day (the 16th). I didn't realize how very appropriate this Psalm would be for me once I actually went to sleep and was woken back up.

I couldn't have had much worse of a day; well, I guess I really couldn't have had a much worse week... But I've been trudging on. I wake up & do my best to just get by, begging God to just carry me through my day. Waiting for anything He might do to give me hope. But for sure, I was woken up by my phone this morning at 6:30, and since then, the day just went down hill. And in case you didn't do the math already, yes, I got 5 & 1/2 hours sleep... I hardly function right when I get 7. - Then came school, which I somehow lost all the data I had saved for working on my extra credit project, and was forced to start over from scratch. Brilliant. -Then, almost as soon as I walk in the door when I got home from school, my mom tells me that my cat needed to go back to the vet because her stitches had come apart... Joy. - And on top of that today has had other pretty significant issues surrounding it. I really just couldn't deal with much more. So yeah. L-O-N-G day.


So I had a good, cleansing cry.

& then... God reminded me of the Psalm I read. Can't really tell you how well it matches me in my circumstance; word for word. It became my prayer. It has really just been, restoring.

You Will Not Abandon My Soul

Psalm 16

16:1 Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.

2 I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”

3 As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.

4 The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.

5 The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.

6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

7 I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.

8 I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.

10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.

11 You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

But I won't quit. I've come this far. I will wait. I will trust that God has already solved everything, and has it under control. I just have to remember that. This will pass, and this is only a season of life. It's not forever.

Recalculating

Francis Chan Talk - Passion 2010

One of the talks from back at the beginning of the year... Really cool.

also I love this song: Beautiful, Scandalous Night

repost: : Greater Love

Friday, November 12, 2010

Greater Love

Alrighty, well, I've got a TON of thoughts floating around today. So I suppose the purpose of this post to to pinpoint them, or organize them...
So I guess we'll see how it turns out.

First of all, for my benefit, I'm gonna start out with a brief, life-update overview. Things in life have been kinda crazy recently. And it seems just when I thought I kinda knew what was goin' on or what was coming up next, God decided I wasn't quite dependent enough on Him. He threw me a curve ball. (I should have seen it coming. He's done it before... Hopefully I figure out what it is He wants me to know soon so that I can avoid all this de ja vu...) Anywho, I think His main point is Him trying to say, "Wendy, quit trying to do everything by yourself... I've got it under control, just trust me. I love you." So yeah, I guess there's really 2 things that He's been trying to point out to me; little reminders so to speak. He wants me fully dependent, and He wants me to realize that His love for me is so much greater than I can ever imagine. I'd like to think that I am leaning towards getting the point. I hope I am. It's hard to keep it all in perspective when you go for days trying to have a "right" attitude. Beth Moore reminded me the other day, if I have it all together and in order today, it won't stay that way. I just hope that I can persevere, and that I can continue to trust and follow. The first few days into my current situation, I walked around with a headache. I later realized my teeth had been clenched tight together. Over the past couple days they have become less clenched. I think it's because I have decided that God will grant me clarity with time. Of course, I'm the impatient type who wants instant answers, and immediate results, and and automatic restoration. This is gonna take some time. More time than I would like. But whatever God is doing, I'm just going to have to trust that His timing is perfect, and that whatever it is He wants to accomplish in me and through these circumstances will be well worth the wait.

I can't tell you how crazy it's been to have so much support spring up that I didn't really know I had. I can't tell you how weird it feels to have someone tell you how well you are holding together when it feels like I'm flying to pieces. I can't tell you how many opportunities have been given to me to share about Christ. I can't tell you how great my Father's love is for me, but I will try.

If it weren't for this time of confusion. If it weren't for this time of trial, I wouldn't know how to wake up each day and pray "God, help!" And I most definitely would not have been willing to step out of my comfort zone in all the ways I have done. Surrendering is not easy. But more and more just in the last week, God has proved His love to me daily. By giving up my life, and dying to myself, He has taken over me, and used me in ways I couldn't have planned for myself. It's scary. I won't say it isn't. But at the end of the day, it feels good to know that my goal was not to serve myself, but Him.

His love for me is so great. I can't even begin to understand it. But I know that on my own, I could never have earned it or ever deserved it. So very grateful it was a gift.

Just heard this song for the first time this morning. I've never had a song describe this kind of love so well before...

Tenth Avenue North - Beloved

& this one is just beautiful.

Sarah Saddler - How Deep the Father's Love for Us

*Time seems to be moving slower now more than ever. But I will trust that whatever this is meant to accomplish will be so worth the wait. I pray that God will lead me through this time, and through it I will honor Him. It won't be a waste. Just have to trust that there is a reason. My heart will be wrapped up in Him, and what He wants for me. Anyone who is meant to find it will have to seek God to find it. Whatever pieces of my heart are empty, He will fill. He's the one holding me together. Trust that this time is meant for good, and submit. Hold tightly to the LOVE that is greater than anyone could ever know. Hold on. Don't think for a second that I will let go. Don't think for a minute that I will give up. I will hold tight to His promises to me. Our Father's love is great. It is perfect. I will trust in that truth. And I won't quit.*



And just when you think there really couldn't be anything else going crazy... You find out from your parents that Monday is MOVING DAY. yay...

Posted by wendy at 8:34 AM

Labels: Beloved, don't quit, following, God, greater love, hope, tenth avenue north, trust

repost : Equipped

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Equipped

I fail to realize this so often, that what I am going through, is meant to shape me. Whatever I go through in this life is meant to shape me, and to better me to fulfill my purpose in the plan that God has assigned to my life.

So many times, I think that whatever is in God's plan just might not be worth all the hassle, that my plan is somehow better than His. I seem to think that He doesn't know what He is doing. I can get so caught up in the "What-did-I-do-to-deserve-this" attitude that I don't see that He has a perfect plan. What I don't always think about is that, whatever happens to me, if is not equipping me, if it is not going to work for good for me or for those around me in the end, or if it is not going to bring Him more glory, Then He would have said, "No." He does not throw me into any situation that is not meant to fulfill His purpose.

Looking back at all the things I have come through, and all the times I didn't understand what on earth the reasoning could be, I now see in hindsight how glad I am that I did go through those hard times because without them, I would not have been able to handle other situations later on. Not many people are going to sit in the bad situation and not ask "why me?" at least once. Even when we do ask God He still may not answer us right away. This situation needs to be no different than all those others He has brought me through. No, it's not pleasant. No, it's not easy. But God never promised me that life would be easy when I chose to follow Him. But He did promise He would never leave me.

I have to continue to trust that He will show me in time what I am meant to learn from all of this. I must be content in the fact that God knows what He is doing. I will no longer keep asking for answers, I will know what I am supposed to know when I am meant to know it. And there is nothing that I have to fear, for there is a plan. It's a perfect plan. It's God's plan.

I'm pretty sure that Joseph wanted more anything to know what God was doing through all the things he went through. But He never forgot that His God was with him. He was never alone. He even had dreams that God spoke to Him through. No one really believed that He could interpret them, or that they were more like visions of what was to come, but God used those as a reminder to tell Joseph that he was not alone. Just because we may not see it coming, that doesn't mean that God didn't see it coming. He knows. What happened today didn't surprise Him. Why should it bother me? It's all in His hands anyway. I just have to let Him have His way, and quit trying to fight it. I will not back down, and I will not surrender to my self. I choose to follow what He has planned for me, and not to doubt what He has planned for me.

This situation can only equip me... It is meant to shape, to adjust, and to repair me. It is meant to make me more like Christ. It is meant to be part of the completion process. It is meant for GOOD.




Romans 8:26-18

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.


*That dream was like a revelation, and it has become more real these past few days than I could ever have imagined. I just hope and have to trust that all of this is really going to work for good. Because right now, it's not so easy to see. Things are cloudy and I'm tired of trying to find the truth. I know that I hope for the best. And I know that God already has the best in mind. I just have to remember that. Please just don't quit. Don't Quit.*

Have Your Way- Britt Nicole

Posted by wendy at 10:19 AM

don't quitequippedpurposeromanstrust

trust

November just tends to be a downer for me... but I think there must just be some things that God wants me to learn. For starters, there's one thing I've struggled with my entire life...

Trust.

I'm just really bad with trust... I daily had to remind myself that God is in complete control, and that any control I have is just an illusion. I don't know what on earth convinced me that I should have control; made me think that I could do it better than God. I guess I'm figuring out the hard way that the only way I can really learn to trust Him, is to have nothing else I can trust.

I just keep thinking that I must be a valuable player in God's kingdom for the enemy to try this hard to throw me off track and take me out of play. I will not back down. I will not give up. I can't do it alone, but God can do it through me. I know when I feel like I can't take another step because I can't see, He will be my light. I know that when I feel I can't move forward any longer because I am weak, He will carry me. I know that this is true...

My Father loves me.

He only wants the best for me; which is to entirely, completely, and fully trust and follow Him.


If it's all about His glory, and it is... What better way can I bring him attention and fame than by following Him completely.

He will make me whole. Only He can satisfy me completely.

Only Jesus.


Here's some songs that have been my heart through this wake-up call.



God knew I needed to wake up. He knew I was too afraid to ask Him to wake me up... So here's my chance... I might only get this one chance to understand and own the point He's trying to get across to me. I can't afford to blow it.


Hold my hand Father, draw me to your side. Lead me. I can't face this alone.

Your Daughter.